Golf League News

April 8, 2013 –  CFCC Golf League Write-up – Week three completed. (by John Upton)

Next week will be the midpoint of our regular season as we enter official week number four.  After Monday, April 15 we will only have three weeks in the regular season left and then the top eight teams by points scored will go into the playoffs.  Since there are eight points up for grabs, every team still has a shot at the playoffs.

There are no undefeated teams left with two time league champs Mike “Opie” Taylor and Aaron “The Bomber” Wescott falling to the three time league champions, Bobby ‘The Birdman” Bird and Chopper Dan Hickman.  The Birdman and Dan have been languishing in last place in the strong Hackers Division until last night.  Birdman got five shots from Mike and he needed every one of them to squeak out a narrow 2-1 victory.  I guess a 41 may be the league’s best gross score for the week but it was not quite enough to take down the competitive Birdman.  After the win, the Birdman flew off into the sunset in his golfster hovercraft.  General Dan played his best golf of the season and caught Aaron “The Bomber” Wescott on an off night to win 6-1.  In one quick swoop the Birdman and Chopper Dan went from last place to a four way tie for third while Mike and Aaron fell to third place in the Whiffers Division.  These two teams own five of the previous nine league championship trophies.

In the night’s other tight match Larry “Doglegs” Tingen got one shot from league rookie Rocket Rodney Young and it made the difference on hole number 9 as Doglegs edged the Rocket by the close score of 3-2.  Dogleg’s partner, Ken “Skully” Hufham was at the Masters this week honing his game with Phil, Tiger, and Bubba so we recruited long time sub Hugo “The Pirate” Duarte to come in off the road and battle Matthew “Boy Wonder” Thomas.  Hugo was actually in town for the birth of his first grandson, Jaxson.  Get out the cigars Hugo & congrats!  The Boy Wonder gave it a good try but dropped the match to a rusty Pirate by the score of 5-4.

David “Irons” Masroua was on his game against Jonathan ‘No hand” Shands.  Irons was hitting booming drives and shooting his best round of the season with a 44.  Jonathan played well and carded a great birdie on hole number 7 but it was not enough against the long hitting Irons.  In the second half of this match two league rookies tangled in a straight up match.  Pin High Paul Inferrera notched his first league win with a solid victory over Dan ‘Wilco” Wilcox by the score of 5-2.

Amazingly, Nancy “Mrs. Wow” did not lose every hole to Rapid Rick West in an 8-0 loss.  Knowing the Rickster would be hard to beat she did try to run over his clubs when they fell out of his cart.  Rapid Rick is improving each week and shot a solid 45.  Jennifer “Mulligan” Mace was not feeling quite up to par and could not match her 41 from last week. She did however get strategically pawed by a strange creature on the course.  No it was not Rapid Rick; this creature had four legs and a tail.  It did not matter however since Mrs. Wow’s partner has been absent all season and her scheduled sub, Hugo the Pirate, was diverted to Ken Hufham’s team when his original sub, Carol Cullum had to bail out for a special Board meeting and Ken had first priority for a sub.  Hang in there Mrs. Wow, your team may yet score a point as we are working to get you a sub for the next few weeks. 

Keith “Lucky Sevens’ Travis had a tough match with Eric “Dr. M” McKeithan who was subbing for Chief “Honest John” Ward.  Honest John was riding in a Polo match in England with Prince William but he still took the blame for breaking a woman’s screen porch door with a golf ball when some angry homeowner wielding a broom demanded to know Dan ‘Wilco” Wilcox’s name and address to send the bill for damages.  Without hesitation Officer Wilcox replied send the bill to: “Chief John Ward, Rocky Point North Carolina”.  Keith made a long chip in from off the green on number 9 to pull out a 5-3 victory over Dr. M.  Dr. M has been unable to practice much since he is busy running his new business, McKeithan’s Moonshine, in the high mountains of North Carolina.

At the beginning of the match Topper Sandi Keith was whining about having to give a male golfer a shot.  She was matched against improving Tom “Save the Day” Herron who was subbing for Robby “Movie” McGee.  Sandi’s nickname could be the “The Black Widow” since she knocks off so many males and although Tom put up the good fight Sandi whipped him by the score of 4-2.  Ed ‘The Flash” thought the young Coach Ryan ‘Flames” Mantlo was afraid to play him since he got a free ride when no subs were available.  Ed shot his best score of the season with a 50.  The Athletic Department was at the Final Four in Atlanta on Monday, or were they?  I heard they were trying out for parts on the TV reality show “Lizard Lick Towing”.   It would be kind of embarrassing if the young guns from the Athletic Department don’t make the playoffs.  Sandi when asked about making the playoffs responded, “Playoff? playoff? you got to be kidding, the Flash and I are going to when the whole d… thing!” 

The final match of the day was Pat “The Jet” Hogan against David ‘The Old Pro” Seeger.  The Elder Pro taught the Jet that age is only a state of mind carding a birdie on hole #3 and coasting to an easy win.  “How did this guy get to be the “B” player?” asked Pat “The Jet” as he crashed and burned.  Dragnet David Conklin was not at his best against Old Dogbert who managed to squeak out a 5-2 win.  Dragnet Dave did stop to assure the angry homeowner with the broken screen door that he would spare no resources to completely investigate which former law enforcement officer destroyed her property.    “The first forty-eight hours is the critical period in solving this crime” said Dragnet Dave to Matilda Soprano, the angry bloom wielding homeowner.  Chief Honest John Ward reported during the investigation he really was not playing polo with the Prince but he was 100 miles away at the time trying out with the young Coaches for parts in the Lizard Lick Towing TV reality show.  

Some of you asked me for the current standings as quick as possible so here they are.

Team Standings for Season
Hackers Division 
David “Old Pro” Seeger & John “Dogbert” Upton


Ed “The Flash” Higgins & Topper Sandi Keith


David ‘Dragnet’ Conklin & Pat “The Jet’ Hogan


Uncle Joe Justice & Honest John Ward


Harvey “Wallbanger” Travis & Keith “Lucky Seven” Travis


Bobby “The Birdman” Bird & Chopper Dan Hickman


Robby “Movie’ McGee & Ryan “Flames”  Mantlo



  Whiffers Division
Ken “Skully” Hufham & Larry “Doglegs” Tingen


Rapid Rick West & Jennifer “Mulligan” Mace


Mike “Opie” Taylor & Aaron “The Bomber” Taylor


David “Irons” Masroua & Dan “Wilco” Wilcox


Rocket Rodney Young & Matthew “Boy Wonder” Thomas


Jonathan “Good Hands”  Shands & Pin High Paul Inferrera


Nancy “Mrs. Wow” Freiburger & Julia “Chipper” Holmes


Hit’em Straight!

Dogbert, Golf League Commissioner