He is not Him

By Katrina Brittingham

he is not him.
when i look into his pearly eyes,
hoping to get lost with comfort,
i find nothing,
no sense of the hymn i knew.
his sandy hair is receding
i search for memories of years prior,
yet missing they seem to be.
he is not him.
he is not the him that shared a bathroom with me all through puberty
nor
the boy who comforted me when my heart was first broken
nor
the boy who questions my intent for plastering my face in color
nor
the boy who would take me on runs just to spend time with me.
he is not the him that i knew when i needed him most,
and now,
when i look at him,
i wonder if he remembers the him that i miss.
he is not him,
i can’t blame him
i doubt he knows that
he is not him.
he is distant
he is reserved
his words are short and his mind is across the pacific.
i am looking for the scrawny boy who loved a good adventure, but knew where home was,
searching tirelessly for the boy i once knew.
and i wonder,
when he looks at me does he see a curly haired victim,
a blue-eyed demon,
a terror,
or does he see a thirteen- year old girl waiting for her brother to come home.

Katrina Brittingham is the youngest of six children. She was born in San Jose, California, however found herself adjusting to the strange culture of the sweet Southern charm in Wilmington, North Carolina at the early age of seven. She is currently studying at Cape Fear Community College (CFCC), with the intent of transferring to University North Carolina Wilmington (UNCW) in the fall of 2018. Katrina has three siblings currently in the United States Navy, as well as being the daughter of two Navy Vets. She enjoys literature and creative writing, photography, and is a Younglife Leader at Ashley High school.