I Wonder

By Andreah Anderson, United States Army

I wondered would it ever go away
The pain, the nightmares, and all the regrets.
Would time do its course and would it become easier to bare
Does waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweats come to cease?
I wondered would it ever make sense to the people that love me most?
Do the feelings become easier to express, I wondered.
Did the art of war change my view of life?
The cries of the wounded forever lingered
Remembrance of the fallen I effortlessly would have given my life for.
So I wonder how one forgets the pain that troubles the mind in so many ways.
I remember every step.
I remember every smell.
I remember every sound.
I remember every moment.
But, time passed, and I forgot to wonder.
I lost myself in the pain, in the nightmares, and in all the regrets.
Time did its course and life became a little wearier.
The cold sweats became a normal routine.
The people I love will always be the people I love but they forgot to love through my pain.
I became silent because speaking of it was never easy.
My view of life had been slowly covered from the art of war.
Those cries, oh those cries, those loud painful cries never got dull.
The regret formed.
I made it home and my battles had fallen.
I did wonder but I don’t wonder anymore.
I stopped wondering a long time ago.
I have to live with this, I have lived with this.
Some of the bravest couldn’t live with this.
But, I wonder will anyone understand?